Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Bed Bugs Are Biting At Fox News

No that isn't a cute title for something that the fine people at Fox News have said or done. Literally, they are having a bed bug problem at their network headquarters here in New York City. Apparently someone working at the propaganda outlet brought some of the critters to work and started an infestation of gargantuan proportions!

From The Gothamist:

Guests at Fox News now have more to worry about than Bill O’Reilly’s barking; there are also bed bugs biting. A senior vice president for operations and engineering at Fox News had nothing better to do yesterday than speak to the biased, freedom-hating New York Times about the situation, confirming that the Manhattan newsroom discovered the problem a few weeks ago, when an employee “caught a bug and showed it to us.”

Bedbugs are adept at hitchhiking to new locales in the pockets and clothing creases of their human hosts, so it’s not surprising that they’ve managed to infiltrate Fox, where patriotic Alpha-male hot blood surges in abundance. An exterminator called in to Fox said that one unnamed employee’s apartment has “the worst infestation he had seen in 25 years in the business.”

It’s still unclear whose apartment the exterminator referred to, but bed bugs have been known to savor the blood (and furry protection) of male bears. Fox swears the bed bugs have been “totally eradicated,” but the annoying thing about bed bugs is their tenacious ability to survive for months between feedings, and in some cases they can live up to a year before sucking blood again. The bed begs have clearly refused to let New Yorkers rest, but their sudden infiltration of Dick Cheney's favorite news source can mean only one thing: Al Qaeda training.

Ah of course, it has to be the terrorists! Who else would hatch (no pun intended) such a devious, nefarious and outright evil plan to make everyone at Fox itchy and uncomfortable. Well Mr. O'Reilly, it is time to start screaming and shouting on your network about the bed bug perps and blame (terrorists/liberals/Keith Olbermann) for spreading the filth at your offices.

Oh wait, thats right, its been filthy since you guys started out, oops!