King Bush Visits The Holy Land

Our ever-so popular President has began his last year as promised, as a traveling man. He knows we don't like seeing his sorry ass here in America so he has decided to become a world traveler. He says he wishes to bring goodwill wherever he goes, but this seems like a chance for him to take a lot of free trips around the planet before we are finally rid of him in a year and eleven days from now.

His first visit is to the only democracy in the Middle East, our favorite country in the region. Israel is welcoming him with open arms and doing whatever he wishes to make the stay more comfortable. If I got over $3 billion in aid every year from the U.S. I'd lay out the red carpet too.

So what is the cost to the average Israeli citizen for this? Basically a lot of headaches. The only route from the airport to Jerusalem will be shut down for an hour so he can have a free and clear ride to the capital. Based on personal experience, I know that road can be hellish to drive and the traffic is nuts. If you think L.A. or N.Y.C. is bad to drive in, you haven't seen anything until you've been on that highway, or tried driving the streets of Jerusalem or Tel Aviv (much worse due to the bigger size).

Once he gets there he'll be staying at the King David hotel (where else?) in the $2,600 a night suite. Not only will he get all the complimentary snacks in the suite like Israeli pistachoes and date nuts (yum) they also hand out quite a few bottles of booze for those that stay in the suites. Of course that hotel bill is nothing compared to what a few seconds in Iraq costs, so I really don't mind the gold-embroidered terry cloth robe he'll be getting from the concierge. Oh and to top it off, Jerusalem will be shutting off the lights that illuminate the western exterior walls of the Old City so that he can watch the sunrise.

Must be nice!