Breaking News!!! Palin Exonerated By McCain!

That's right folks, doggone it the one and only Sarah Palin is not guilty of all charges, ya betcha! Before that official report comes out from the ultra-liberal, terrorist-lovin Alaska legislature (controlled by Republicans, but that isn't important here), the McCain campaign is here to tell you first that Sarah Palin had no personal vendetta. In fact, the real reason Monegan was fired because he was a bad, bad man who didn't listen to orders (no damnit, not the orders Sarah gave to repeatedly get rid of her ex-brother in law) and that there was a secret operation by her former gubernatorial opponent to attack the poor VP nominee.

From TPM:

Sen. John McCain's running mate is the subject of a legislative investigation into whether she abused her power as governor by firing her public safety commissioner. The commissioner, Walter Monegan, says he was dismissed in July for resisting pressure from Palin's husband, Todd Palin, and numerous top aides to fire state trooper Mike Wooten, Palin's former brother-in-law.[...]

The campaign's report instead blames former campaign opponent, Andrew Halcro, who has a blog, of conspiring with Wooten to pin Monegan's dismissal on the family's dispute with Wooten. Three days after Monegan was fired, they say, Wooten told his ex-wife, Palin's sister, that: "You guys are going down. Get ready for the show."

Two days after that confrontation, they say, Halcro and Wooten met at a hotel bar in Anchorage for more than three hours — and that evening, Halcro posted the first accusations on his blog that Monegan had been fired because of a vendetta against Wooten by the Palin family.

"It is tragic that a false story hatched by a blogger after drinks with Trooper Wooten led the legislature to allocate over $100,000 of public money to be spent in what has become a politically driven investigation," the 21-page report concludes.

Oh and all that stuff you heard in the media about the Palin family pressuring Monegan is purely partisan politics. And of course this hastly operated investigation by the McCain campaign has no bias in it whatsover because John McCain and Sarah Palin are a pair of bullshit artists Mavericks! Nevermind all those facts about the case and that the Governor made nearly fifty phone calls to Monegan and his secretary regarding the evil, evil Michael Wooten. She never said fire him (at least above her breath) directly so clearly she never said to fire him. Monegan was just so insubordinate that there was no way he could pick up on the giant hint she was laying on him to can that Trooper's hide. Oh yeah and all the other people involved that are talking to the press now, they've hated Sarah for years so there is absolutely no way for them to be telling the truth her. Even though every other sentence out of her mouth is a lie on the campaign trail, she's completely one hundred percent honest here, yes sir eee.

And finally, let me give you the weather forecast, a 40% chance of pigs flying and the gates of hell should release some fire and brimstone over __________ (insert Palin event location here) by the early afternoon.